Home and Community

The past few months have contained a lot of realizations for me about where Josh and I are in life, and what I view as “home”. (You can see some previous thoughts here and here.) Now, there is a part of me that will always, always, always consider Washington home. We moved there the summer I was 12, and those next 6 years before heading off to Wheaton were pretty formative. Some of my most cherished friendships were forged, I discovered many different aspects of myself as I learned, grew, and created in various groups and communities, and, most importantly, it’s where my family was and still is. I’m uncertain I’ll ever be able to fully relinquish Washington as a big part of my definition of home.

That said, it’s funny what happens when you get married. In our house, we now talk of three homes. There’s my “home back in WA”, there’s Josh’s “home back in NY”, and then, there’s home… our home. And that’s really all there is to it. I’m home when I’m with Josh. Sappy, sure, but true, nonetheless. Now, that doesn’t change the deep, deep love I have for my family, nor Josh’s love for his (or our growing love for each other’s), but it does mean we’re in a different place now. The “end all” of home is simply where the other is.

Now, to add to that… location wise, we think of Philadelphia as home. Neither of us was expecting it, and I certainly didn’t even want it. But that’s what’s happened. We’ve both been in Philly 3 ½ years (and married for 1 ½ of those) and will be here at least another 3 more since we just bought our new house. And I’m actually ok with that. I still have a pretty big pang in my heart whenever we have to leave Seattle, but I’ve realized that, were I closer to my family, I would actually be really, really happy where we are. (And by closer to my family, I mean close enough that I could affordably get there and back in a weekend… like a 2-hour drive. Of course, I’d totally also love it if they were 15 minutes away.)

So, why do I like living in Philly so much now, given that: a) when I first moved here I hated it, b) my family lives 3000 miles away, and c) I live in the inner-city in a high-crime, low-income neighborhood?

Well, in one word: community.

The community here is absolutely amazing. I really mean that. There are 3 other church families on our block. Within about a 5 block radius of our house, there are… well… at least 30 other families from our church – that we know and talk to/hang out with on a regular basis. Sometimes it blows my mind a little bit to actually stop and think about that: 30 families/friends within walking distance. And that’s a low estimate. Think about it… once you hit your teenage years and stop “playing outside” regularly… how many of your neighbors do you actually know? And we’re not talking about being in college, either. We’re talking your permanent home.

It seems like the norm these days is to know a couple of your neighbors – particularly the ones who are the same age as you or have kids the same age – and to have no clue about the rest aside from what they might look like and maybe their name. That’s what I largely grew up with, and that’s what I experienced for the first couple of years after I graduated from college until Josh and I got married and I moved into Hunting Park. Then it changed.

Now, that’s not to say I know everyone on our block… because that’s definitely not the case. In fact, we’ve only met a few people so far, since we moved in in the middle of winter and it’s so cold that nobody stays outside a second longer than they need to. But we did know a number of people on our old block (2 blocks down), and had a lot more that we regularly waved and said hello to whenever we saw them. When it gets warmer, people will always be outside, talking, visiting, hanging out on the porch and you’ll get to know them – good and bad included. You see, there’s very little privacy in row houses since everything is so close by… if a baby is crying next door, you can hear it. If kids are screaming as they play in the street, you can here it. If neighbors are fighting a few doors down, you can hear it. There’s an interesting transparency here that’s very different from anywhere else I’ve lived, and it can often be pretty uncomfortable and even painful. But it’s pretty good for giving you a good kick in the rear and helping you realize your own criticisms and hypocrisy, and forcing you to confront and work to change those things. (I’m still in the process of that.)

Our neighborhood is far from perfect. It’s not what most people consider safe or desirable. I live literally 3,000 miles away from my family. But I also am part of an incredible community. In the midst of poverty, crime, brokenness, and so many other kinds of pain and painful issues, there’s a real sense of hope. Many people are originally from the neighborhood, many are not. But nobody’s looking for it to gentrify – we’re just looking for it to improve for the people here. And I think it will. My neighbors are people who really care about helping their friends out, bringing justice, and making Hunting Park a better place. They are people who want to see the kids succeed in school, youth be given the exciting opportunities they deserve, and adults fulfill their dreams and goals. And they are people who will work on your new house for hours, help you move in the middle of a massive snowstorm, watch your cats for two weeks without expecting a dime, and come over last minute for lots of board game and movie nights (that’s one of the best parts about living so close by – you don’t even have to look for a parking spot!). They are people who are ready to live life with you day by day, sharing in the good and the bad with you, encouraging you when you’re down, laughing and celebrating with you when things are great. I’d say that’s something pretty incredible, something I haven't really seen anywhere else, and the reason I’m pretty excited to stick around for at least a few more years.

I just have to figure out how to create a little more time and find a few more funds to get out to Seattle more frequently… then it'll all be perfect. =)