The biggest contributing factor to being overwhelmed is work. Figures, huh? Lately, the pressure of being one person doing two people's jobs has really hit me. (My boss/only other coworker in development has been out of the office fighting breast cancer for 6 months now and I've been doing both of our jobs... or at least trying to.) During the summer the stress of having too many things to do was there, but it was okay... even though I work year round, since I work at a school things definitely taper off a bit in the summer. But it's been nothing compared to what the Fall, especially this last month, has been like.
Despite putting in longer workdays (and usually forgetting to eat lunch until around 3pm - today is good - today it's only 2:30pm and I am intentionally taking a lunch break), then bringing work home when I leave in the evenings and bringing more work home on the weekends, I'm falling more and more behind. I'm constantly thinking about work things, and planning for work things, but people still keep asking for more and more things each day and no matter how many things I get done in a day, my to-do list doubles by the end of the day. Perhaps I wouldn't mind as much if I was being paid hourly... then at least I'd feel like I was getting a little something for the extra work... but I'm not. (Here's where voluntarily taking a huge pay cut to come to this job last year seriously gets me back. And I know I took things home ALL the time as a teacher... but that was part of the reason I took a break from teaching. Plus, teachers get the summer off.) All that to say, lately, it's all just really been taking its toll.
When I go home, if I'm not doing work, I don't really want to anything except veg on the couch and watch TV or a movie or sleep (which is definitely not how I usually am). Sometimes it's a struggle to just cook dinner, and I've really been on a cooking kick this year - with that being a way to relieve stress. Even reading has fallen largely to the wayside. So, needless to say, blogging hasn't been on the top list of priorities, since even something as simple as feeding myself been a challenge.
However, I do want to keep writing here, and I want to try to get back into a regular schedule. One of the main reasons for starting this blog was to remind myself of all of the amazing blessings in my life. Last February when I really started trying to write regularly, I was at a really low point - similar to now - and needed to give myself a kick in the pants. I have so many things to be grateful for, and I wasn't being very thankful - or joyful - about many of them. It was a small way of forcing myself to get a grip and be happy because life really isn't that awful. And that's a fact. God's given me an amazing husband who loves me even when I'm grumpy, two ridiculously cute kittens who know when I need to cuddle, a house with enough room to open up to friends for an evening of fellowship or a weekend Philly visit, and enough means to pay all of our bills without concern. Those aren't minor things, and I don't want to forget about them. Plus, allowing myself this creative outlet, however small, will help bring things back into balance for me, I'm sure. I just need to get myself to do it, is all.
So, all that to say, posting may be spotty for a while, but I am going to try and get things up as I can. In the meantime, feast your eyes on some of the apples Josh and I picked up on our Fall adventure... one of which I am now going to go eat as part of my lunch. And yes, I promise you they taste just as good as they look. Actually, better. And, hmm, see what this blog does? It reminds me that, yes, there are good things in my life today, even though I'm really tired and slightly despairing. Even if it's as simple as a delicious apple. God is good.
1 comment:
Yum yum apples. Sam and I just made an Apple Pie with ones she and her roommate picked.
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